I was thrown into the deep end of the pool without knowing it. The funny part is that the people who threw me into the deep end also didn't know it. Not a lot was known about ADHD in the 1970s, so the doctors, teachers, and parents didn't know to look for certain behaviors that today would clearly be recognized as Autism Spectrum Disorder or ADHD.
My Son's Diagnosis Opened a Door I Didn't Plan to Walk Through
When my wife took our son to the doctor for his 2-year checkup, the doctor asked certain questions, including how many words he uses. Based on the answers, the doctor recommended that we get him evaluated. We didn't hide under a rock or say, “Not my kid!” We figured if the doctor recommended he should get evaluated, then what did we have to lose? We were not afraid of “a label.” Worst case, they would say he needed special services, which is what happened. We wouldn't have been very good parents if we didn't get the services he needed. Good parents don't force their kids to suffer.
At 2 years old, my son was already on the path to getting the services he needed to make sure he succeeded in school and in life. Cutting to the chase, he is now in high school and doing great.
The 1970s Didn't Know What to Do With Kids Like Me
There is a level of acceptance there that I never had when I was in elementary school. There was a “special ed” class, but I don't remember ever seeing the kids in that class at any school events. Their classroom was far removed from the other classrooms. We never saw them, and we did not know who those kids were. It was as if the system said they needed to be hidden away somewhere.
Fortunately, things are very different today, and kids like my son will get through the school system being prepared for the next part of his journey.
Getting Diagnosed as an Adult Is a Different World Entirely
Not only were things different when I was in elementary school for kids who had issues that went undiagnosed, but things are still different for adults who are diagnosed later in life. We are still living in the system we grew up in, and that system does not care if you are neurodivergent or not.
It wasn't like when I was diagnosed, the doctor told me about programs, groups, or any resources for adults with ADHD. He basically diagnosed the condition, wrote a prescription for Adderall, and it never came up again. When I went back to him for Adderall refills, he never asked how I was handling this new information. Here's your prescription. Pay the receptionist. See you next month.
People Treat Childhood and Adult Diagnoses Very Differently
The interesting thing that I noticed was when my son was diagnosed, everyone had some form of reaction from “Well, at least you know and can get the services you need” to “Oh, I'm sorry.” The reaction for some was the same as if you told them they had some terrible disease. Some might still misunderstand ASD and ADHD, but at least there was some sort of acknowledgement.
When I told people I have ADHD, the reaction was quite different. It was almost dismissive. I cannot tell you how many people said some form of, “Well, don't we all have some level of ADHD?”
No, Becky, We Don't All Have Some Level of ADHD
Just because you can't pay attention for more than 5 seconds doesn't mean you have ADHD. It is true that most people are easily distracted. That doesn't mean most people have ADHD. It means that as a society, we have gotten used to the constant flood of information from the 24-hour news cycle and social media that most people's brains are just overloaded.
For a person with ADHD, it isn't that their brain is overloaded, it's that the executive functioning portion of the brain isn't working properly, and all of that information is hitting the brain all at once with very little or no filter at all. It can be extremely overwhelming.
When someone would say something like, well don't we all have a little ADHD, I would just smile and nod because, like most things controversial, I didn't want to get involved in a deep conversation that could lead to disagreement since we all know that now-a-days any level of disagreement will turn into an argument.
Dismissing Adult ADHD Causes Real Harm
As I learn more about ADHD, the less patience I have for the attitude that we all have a little ADHD. It isn't that I want to set myself apart from people or that I am gatekeeping ADHD. The issue is that while people will at least acknowledge when a kid is diagnosed, when it comes to adults, it seems that since we weren't diagnosed as kids, then the thought is that ADHD must not exist in adults, otherwise we would have been diagnosed. Well, as I mentioned in another post, different forms of ADHD were not identified until the mid-1990s.
There are people who will ask questions because they just don't understand it.
However, when someone says that we all have some form of it, the condition becomes dismissed and even belittled. People do not understand that after I was diagnosed, I had to go back and look at how everything worked. I had to reevaluate how I interacted with people, my hobbies, my habits, and my business, and I had to make serious adjustments to how I lived. A diagnosis of ADHD is not an insignificant event.
It could be traumatizing. For me, it was enlightening. It explained so much.
The more I read and the more I learned, the more I realized I was not alone on this journey.
I Was Thrown Into the Deep End—Again
The main issue I had was that even after the diagnosis, I had to figure it out for myself. There were no services, at least not that I know of, not that I needed or wanted any. Maybe because I was diagnosed by my general practitioner, I didn't get any sort of paperwork or pointed to any resources.
As a kid, I was thrown into the deep end of the pool and didn't know it. I felt as if I was thrown into the deep end of the pool again. This time, I knew it, but just as last time, the people who did the throwing had no idea.
ADHD isn't a kid's issue. Fortunately, kids who have these conditions are getting the services they need. That is, if the parents don't stick their heads in the ground saying, “not my kid,” which still, tragically, happens.
As an adult, I had to learn about the condition and figure it out all on my own. It took years to get where I am today, and I am both proud and frustrated to say that I did it all on my own.
ADHD is real, and it can cause real issues, especially if undiagnosed or ignored. Not everyone has some level of ADHD. That is an outdated attitude that is just going to cause more adults to avoid a diagnosis, get the meds they potentially need, and figure out how to live with a brain that works differently from most.